


Toujours Pur (of Heart)

by Nillegible



Series: Toujours Pur [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Gen, Late Marauders Era, Regulus Black Lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-07 03:31:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12224847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nillegible/pseuds/Nillegible
Summary: Regulus waits for hours. For hours, he stands on that cursed cliff, the black waters churning and gushing and crashing far below. Even as far up as he is, the air is heavy with spray. He breathes in the salt, and tries to cast his mind back to childhood visits the seaside. He can't. It smells too much like blood.There is an odd noise behind him, inhuman footsteps, nails on rock-Regulus spins around and finds a large, wet, dog. It's huge, and black. The dark eyes are wide and intelligent; far too intelligent to be a convenient stray.Regulus laughs hysterically. He has been sent a Grim. An omen of death that should be sent to the unwary, not to someone who is attempting what is tantamount to suicide.The Grim walks closer, eyes wary, and Regulus tells it helplessly, "It is alright, I already know." His voice doesn’t waver, and he takes a moment to be viciously proud of himself for that. "I am going to die."Or:Regulus hopes for a chance to say goodbye to Sirius, and somehow that changes everything.





	Toujours Pur (of Heart)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nitilia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nitilia/gifts).



> Gift-Fic for Nitilia, because somehow it has always irked me more than anything else that Sirius and Regulus' relationship could have gotten as bad as it did.

Regulus waits for hours. For hours, he stands on that cursed cliff, the black waters churning and gushing and crashing far below. Even as far up as he is, the air is heavy with spray. He breathes in the salt, and tries to cast his mind back to childhood visits to the seaside. He can't. It smells too much like blood. 

He does not cover his face or cast a fragrance charm though. Regulus breathes like he can never breathe again, while his heart pounds so desperately he can almost hear it over the tumultuous waves. Perhaps it's trying to remind him that he doesn't want to die. 

At first, Regulus had waited because he had arrived too early. Hoping against hope that Sirius would, somehow, turn up. That  _just this once_  at least his brother would help... But it has been three hours past the meeting time he offered, so Regulus takes in another shaky breath of sharp sea air, and climbs carefully towards the cave entrance he had located. 

He has to use both his hands, keeps his wand tucked away in his sleeve he scrabbles over the rocks. A quiet spell cast on his shoes offers him the must needed traction, yet it takes him longer than it should. He could have just levitated himself, ('like a proper wizard', a snide voice says in his head. He doesn't even know whose voice it is anymore, Mother's or Sirius'. It could be the Dark lord's eerie hissing speech, or Bella's and Rabastan's. Snape's. Lucius'. The voice in his head is never kind. Not anymore.) and saved himself the effort. But it felt important, somehow, to do this this way. At the very least it afforded him an extra few minutes before he had to. Just a few more minutes, of climbing and breathing, of fingertips on hard slippery rock and magic tethering him to stone. A few more precious, stolen moments. Because Regulus was certain of his course. He had quizzed Kreacher so many times, had already imagined his course of action so perfectly that he just knew. He knew exactly how it had to be.  

There is an odd noise behind him, inhuman footsteps, nails on rock-Regulus spins around and finds a large, wet, dog. It's huge, and black. The dark eyes are wide and intelligent; far too intelligent to be a convenient stray. 

Regulus laughs hysterically. He has been sent a Grim. An omen of death that should be sent to the unwary, not to someone who is attempting what is tantamount to suicide.  

The Grim walks closer, eyes wary, and Regulus tells it helplessly, "It is alright, I already know." His voice doesn’t waver, and he takes a moment to be viciously proud of himself for that. "I am going to die." 

Saying it aloud reminds him, once again, that it would be so easy to leave. So unimaginably easy to Apparate away, to go into hiding in France, or Germany. Maybe even further to Greece or Italy. He could send a carefully worded letter of explanation to Professor Dumbledore or Mr. Crouch, or maybe even to Minister Bagnold if he could somehow prove his trustworthiness. He should walk away and let greater wizards than he deal with the Dark Lord's insanity.  

But he won't. Regulus is a Black, and he will see this through. The dog approaches fearlessly, and Regulus reaches out, and pets it hesitantly. "You're not the Black I wanted, but I guess you'll do. I just wanted to say goodbye." Of course, Regulus had been planning on lying to Sirius if he had turned up. He has quite an elegant one prepared, of France and then Italy. It was one of his better ones, building on Sirius' own expectations of Regulus as a weak willed, easily led  _child_. The cowardly youngest son, fleeing from the real world now that he had finally had a taste. 

Sirius hasn't come, and that's one more regret, one more disappointment that thankfully, he'll only have to live with for another hour or so. If it goes well...Sirius will have no clue until he joins Regulus on the other side. Wizards don’t pray-that’s a disturbingly Muggle idea-but Regulus...hopes. It would just be nice, to have a second chance in death. 

"No point in delaying, then," says Regulus to the Grim, and he turns to face the unassuming fissure on the cliff wall. If he delays much longer, the tides would begin to rise again. He casts a quick waterproofing spell on himself after briefly considering if it would be safe to use magic so close to this place. He had to die, but no one said he had to die sodden and miserable. As Kreacher had explained it he was probably fated to drown anyway, no use making himself uncomfortable before then. Regulus takes one last moment to steel himself. He glances back up the cliff, to the point where he'd asked Sirius to meet him. Perhaps it was childish and sentimental of him to wish to mend things before he died. He's almost glad that Sirius didn't turn up. It makes this easier, somehow. Then Regulus lights his wand, takes a breath, and jumps into the cold and churning water.  

The water grows shallower and his feet find stone steps. He clambers out of the water and casts a quick warming charm. The waterproofing spell hadn't kept out the icy chill of the water. The clear sound of splashing from behind causes him to whirl around, and he sees the Grim, soaking wet, clamber up behind him. He flinches away as the dog shakes off the water then gives it a grim (ha!) look. "Look, you have to leave. This isn't safe." The dog cocks its head sideways. Perhaps a Grim was supposed to keep the dying person company until they're gone? It's not quite what the rumours had led Regulus to believe – but then again anyone who had met one properly might just not have lived to tell the tale. 

In the grand scheme of things, it  _is_  just a dog. Regulus doesn't particularly care  _what_ happens to it. But maybe he'll ask Kreacher to check if it has escaped before he leaves? Regulus finds the location of the entrance a little to the left of where he'd expected from Kreacher's description. It looks like bare stone, but he can feel the Dark Lord's vile aura coating it strongly here. He pulls out a small knife, and slices into his arm. He's learned enough to do this easily, now. Blood spatters across the stone, and the rock melts away, leaving a gleaming silver archway. Regulus' wand-light illuminates only a few steps before him, everything else is pitch dark.  

The Grim whines, and presses close to him. "I think it's best you don't follow," Regulus tells it. He pulls out a small stone and whispers the enchantment to light it. He holds it aloft in his left hand, his wand drawn and ready in his right. "Kreacher!" He calls, and his house elf appears. The elf's eyes are red, and he looks terrified. Regulus feels honest regret for what he's about to do. It's not fair of him to use his loyal friend and servant in this way, but he must. "Come along, Kreacher. I hope you remember everything I told you..." and he walks into the darkness, to his death. 

He hopes the Grim won't follow. 

* * *

Sirius creeps in after Regulus and Kreacher. He had told himself he'd just see what Reg was up to then leave immediately. The chances were high that this was a trap, or a trick- that there was  _some kind of_ _deceit_  going on here that he just hadn't figured out yet. But he found he couldn't leave. In his Animagus form, Sirius wasn't that good at discerning motives or plots, but he was still absolutely certain that Regulus had been telling the absolute truth when he claimed he was going to die. 

Sirius couldn't leave. Not when his brother (and Regulus  _is,_  no matter how many years Sirius had spent wishing otherwise) was likely doing something vile or stupid or both. 

He follows them at a distance; his powerful sight and hearing allowing him to know exactly what is happening up ahead in the spot of brightness held in his brother's hand. Regulus stops when Kreacher says, "It's here, sir," and since when did Kreacher sound so meek and miserable? The crazy elf was usually as proud and mad as Mother was. The light is transferred, and Regulus does – something – and with an enormous clattering racket pulls a boat? From the water. Sirius silently pads closer.  

Regulus and Kreacher cross the putrid, poisoned water, and Sirius watches the small speck of light on the island in the distance. He can feel his fur stand on end from the fetid magic in the cavern. Regulus' voice, and Kreacher's whimpers echo in his sensitive ears, reflecting over the water and walls until his mind spins with it. 

He dares not swim across this water. And yet he dares not leave. There are no other creatures or enemy that Sirius can see, but he can feel their presence. The decaying, dead smell, in addition to the foul, tingly stench of dark magic that permeates the water is a familiar one. The dark lake is infested with Inferi. 

His brother is a  _fool_ for voluntarily going into...this. 

Sirius' ears twitch up when he hears Regulus start to beg. He can hear it clearly, Regulus' voice pleading, asking Kreacher to stop and he can hear-is the elf crying? Yes, Sirius can hear Kreacher's voice, coaxing Reg, asking him to drink. Something. But his voice is heavy and he is crying, distinct from Regulus' loud sobbing. "Please, no more. Kreacher I order you to stop! Please, please stop." Sirius starts to growl, low pitched and angry, but he cannot reach his brother. Regulus had just  _ordered_  Kreacher to stop- and the house elf was not obeying. Had Voldemort managed to break the binding between a wizard and his house-elf? But Regulus had asked Kreacher to come himself, had he not known? This doesn't- 

Regulus screams then, loud and piercing. "KILL ME! KILL ME NOW, KREACHER!" And the agony in Reg's voice,  _Oh god that's his baby brother_ , has Sirius standing up in human form. Everything is suddenly fainter, the sounds, the lights, but his panic is only growing as his human-mind finally fully comprehends what his dog-mind had not managed to.   

They're still talking up ahead on the island, but Regulus' voice has gone low again. And then there is the sharp, loud crack of Disapparition, and Kreacher is gone. For one moment everything is still, and then the still, black surface of the lake explodes into movement as the ghostly shapes of  _hundreds_ of inferi rise from the water. Regulus' light, suddenly tips off the island, Sirius can see it dim as it hits the water.  

Sirius has always been a creature of instinct, logic and analyses are for when there is an abundance of time, he  _thrives_ in chaos and mayhem, of moving before he can think. He has pulled out his shrunken broomstick from his robe pocket, expanded it, mounted, and flown half-way across the lake before he realizes that the inferi can  _leap out of the water._

This scares Sirius into veering off course, wand out and blasting the inferi that’s flying towards him, ghastly expression frozen on the corpse's face. With a reflexive  _Incendio_ (and thank Merlin that Lily had hammered home that lesson quite well after that one time they'd tried using  _reducto_  instead on an Inferi and done almost no damage...) but there are more, leaping from the water like morbid, bloodthirsty dolphins, and Sirius sets as many as he can reach aflame. When he alights on the island, there's nothing but a strange basin emitting glowing green light. Reg is not there, confirming his fear that his brother had fallen into the lake with his witch-light. Sirius falls to his knees at the edge, blasting more inferi out of the way with streams of fire spilling from his wand. The fire illuminates the waters below, but Sirius can't see his brother in the mass of bodies below, and he thinks- he thinks maybe  _this is it_ , maybe Regulus is truly dead and Sirius had just sat by and let it happen. 

He snarls and leaps into the water. 

Later, Sirius will look back on this moment and realize just how stupid this move was. Underwater, without the aid of the fire that had been holding the inferi thus far at bay, he was practically defenseless. Cold fingers wrap around his arm, his leg, but quick ' _relashio'_ s cause them to break away. And then, finally, he sees him. Struggling weakly against three inferi, his eyes dark and terrified is Regulus, obstinately and unbelieveably alive. 

Somehow, Sirius finds in him the strength to drag Regulus back to the surface, gasping for air that he expels immediately to cast another drawn out  _i_ _ncendio_ , clearing the small island enough to clamber onto it. Reg has lost consciousness, (and isn't this war great, that Sirius can now distinguish between dead and not dead so easily?) but there's no time to revive him. A glance at the boat shows that it's far too small for the both of them, so he transfigures Regulus into a small wooden figurine (Mad-Eye's technique for transporting prisoners in bulk), grabs him tightly in one hand, and climbs into the boat. 

Fortunately, the inferi do not attack them after they're in the boat, and as they glide across they lose interest and vanish back into the depths of the lake. As the boat gently bumps against the shore, Sirius leaps out and sprints towards the entrance. A small non-verbal  _diffindo_  on his finger provides enough blood to get the archway open again, and Sirius dives into the safe, churning water of the ocean and away from the mad horrors within the cave. 

Soaking wet and shivering from the cold, or maybe from all the near death and dead bodies, Sirius finally climbs onto solid ground. He un-transfigures his brother and Regulus reappears, pale and still, and Sirius sets to work on basic first aid. He starts with a charm to expel all the water Regulus had doubtlessly inhaled... 

* * *

Regulus wakes. This is staggering in itself. Regulus is  _awake_. Merlin's beard. He blinks carefully, trying to make sense of where he is, and Sirius' face appears above him. He sits up-or at least ties to, startled beyond belief, because  _what?_   

"Hey, Reg," says Sirius quietly. There's something missing on his face. Regulus peers closely and realizes that for the first time in nearly forever, he can detect no disdain. Sirius looks exhausted, and vaguely ill. Sudden all consuming fear spikes through Regulus when he understands. They had been caught. This was Voldemort's sick form of revenge and  _oh Merlin what had happened to Kreacher, and mother? What has he done -_ He fumbles desperately for his wand, but of course it's missing, he's completely defenseless, "What's wrong?" asks the Sirius-impostor, and that's  _concern_ in the fake-voice, and Regulus can feel himself trembling. "Wand. Where's my wand?" he asks, and the impostor's face furrows. 

"I think we lost it in the lake. It wasn't in your robes when I got you out. I mean, you must have been holding it when you fell in." Regulus takes a steadying breath, and asks, his voice  _almost_ unaffected, "Are you going to torture me?" 

"Reggie no, why would I?" The impostor sounds so kind, and then with a grimace, he pulls out his wand. Regulus freezes. And then the impostor hands it to him, kell first.  

Regulus grabs it and points it straight at the man's face. His heart is pounding loudly in his throat. "Who are you?"  _Why did you give me your wand. What is this. I don't understand. I don't understand. Please, I don't._  

"Well, okay. If that's...well. My name is Sirius Orion Black. I'm one year and three months older than you. I haven't spoken to you since you were sixteen and I asked you not to take the dark mark but you didn't listen." 

"Everyone knows that," says Regulus evenly. 

"I said, and I quote because I've spent years regretting that I didn't phrase it better-For once in your life, grow a spine brother. This path will only lead you to ruin." Sirius? Could it actually be him? But no, this was too easy, anyone could have read it from Regulus' mind while he was defenseless. 

"Anyone could know that. Tell me..." It hurts, but there isn't that much to go on. He and Sirius had grown apart half his life ago. He can't ask, 'what's your favourite Honeydukes sweet,' or 'who was your first crush' or anything simple like that. "What did you tell me before my sorting?" Regulus asks finally. 

Sirius looks confused, but answers almost immediately anyway. "That you could just ask for the house you wanted. That the sorting hat would listen. Not that  _you_ listened to  _me_ ," he adds. 

Regulus gives a small, angry huff of a laugh. "I did listen to you, you know. I asked the hat to change its mind. Not that it matters anymore. I don't- I still don't trust you. You could have used legilimency on me to learn any of this." 

Sirius seems stricken. "Okay don't, don't panic," says Sirius, and he reaches into his sleeve and pulls out a second wand. Regulus tenses up at once but Sirius is deliberately pointing it away from the bed and Regulus' wand is still aimed straight into his face.  " _Expecto Patronum!_ " An enormous glowing silver-white dog bursts out of Sirius' wand, and pads towards the bed.  

"It really is me, Reg," says the voice from the dog. Sirius's voice. The creature looks familiar, so familiar that Regulus glances at Sirius in surprise. With a somewhat lopsided smile, Sirius shrinks into a shaggy black dog identical to the white one before him. 

Sirius. It really was him. He'd come when Regulus asked, he'd saved him. Regulus didn't-he'd never even imagined this could happen. He had been planning to  _die_ , had steeled himself for it for three entire months as he quietly plotted and planned. This- this wasn't supposed to be possible. He'd convinced himself of that, to give him the strength to. The wand slips from Regulus fingers, and he buries his head in his arms and cries. The terror and anguish of the past months, the iron control he'd exerted over himself to walk to his own death- everything comes spilling out in wordless, wracking sobs. 

He'd told himself he couldn't have this, that he'd lost it all when he'd turned away from an angry just-graduated Sirius, ranting at him to make better choices. 

He'd convinced himself that he didn't even  _want_  this, just to stay sane. 

(He's never wanted anything more.) 

Tentative arms wrap around him a moment after the mattress dips to one side. Regulus cries harder. 

(This. This is the only thing he's ever wanted more.) 

**Author's Note:**

> This is a part of a series I've always meant to write on the Black Family, who have undoubtedly produced the most interesting variety of children in a single generation, from Sirius to Bellatrix with all the others falling in shades in between. And their family motto, Always Pure leaves room for so much reinterpretation.


End file.
